May 15, 2025
by Dr. Cindy H. Carr, D.Min.
Every parent knows that look—a child who swears they’re not tired, even while melting
down before your eyes. Bedtime can feel like a nightly battle, but what if much of what we
label “resistance” isn’t rebellion at all? What if it’s biology?
Sleep is not one-size-fits-all. It never has been. From infancy to adolescence, our bodies
follow an internal clock called the circadian rhythm. This rhythm regulates our sleep-wake cycles, hunger patterns, hormone release, and alertness throughout the day.
When we honor that rhythm, sleep comes more easily; when we fight it, everyone suffers.
I’ve always been an early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of person. By nine o’clock, my brain
starts winding down, and my best work usually happens before most people are awake.
Some of my favorite writing times are those quiet hours around 3:00 a.m. when the world is still and my thoughts are clearest. My husband, on the other hand, lives by a completely different clock. He’s never been able to fall asleep early—his mind starts humming just when mine is ready to rest. Left to his own rhythm, he’ll fall asleep between 11:00 and 2:00 a.m. and wake up refreshed around 7:30 or 8:00. For years, I thought one of us needed to “fix” our schedule. Now I see it differently. God simply wired us with different rhythms.
The same is true for our children. Babies need 12 to 16 hours of sleep across naps and
nights. Preschoolers thrive on 10 to 13 hours. School-age kids do best with 9 to 12. Teens
typically need 8 to 10 hours, though many rarely get that much. But beyond the numbers,
every child has a rhythm—a natural pattern of sleepiness and alertness that can’t be forced into uniformity. Some are sunrise risers, while others are night thinkers. Both are normal.
Science backs this up. Research from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) and the National Institutes of Health shows that sleep cycles shift as children age, especially in adolescence. During puberty, melatonin release is delayed, meaning teens don’t feel sleepy until later at night. That’s not defiance—it’s physiology. Yet early school start times require them to wake long before their brains are ready, creating a chronic sleep deficit that affects learning, mood, and even long-term health.
For younger children, the opposite can be true. Their bodies crave consistency and predictability. A set bedtime, a calming routine, and a dimly lit environment signal safety
and rest. When that rhythm is disrupted—by screens, sugar, or stress—bedtime resistance
increases. But again, it’s not always willful behavior; it’s often overstimulation or poor
timing.
Parents can set guardrails without guilt. Instead of strict enforcement, think of bedtime as
guidance with grace. Anchor the wake-up time, not just the bedtime. Build a “wind-down
window” where lights are dimmed and screens are silenced. Encourage quiet activities like reading or prayer to help the body transition naturally. Small, consistent cues teach the brain when to rest.
We can also teach our kids to know themselves. As children grow, help them notice their
own patterns—when they feel most alert, when they naturally get drowsy, how food and
activity affect their rest. Self-awareness builds ownership. A child who understands their
rhythm learns to respect it rather than resist it.
In our home, as our daughters grew, we learned that some nights they needed quiet earlier, and other nights they just needed time. What mattered most wasn’t the clock—it was connection. Sometimes we stayed up late talking, other times we all turned in early. The goal wasn’t perfect consistency; it was peace. And peace, like sleep, comes easier when you stop fighting the natural flow God built into your body.
Parents, if bedtime has become a battlefield, take heart. You’re not failing.
You’re navigating biology, development, and the beautiful individuality of your children. Lead with structure and grace, not fear and frustration. The rhythms of rest were woven into creation for a reason. Even God, after His work, rested.
Rest is not a reward for good behavior—it’s part of how we’re wired to heal. So tonight, turn down the lights, breathe deeply, and remember: sleep is not surrender—it’s sacred.
“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” — 1
Corinthians 10:31
References & Suggested Reading
American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM). (2016). Pediatric sleep duration
recommendations.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2023). Sleep and circadian health in children
and adolescents.
Harvard Health (2023). Understanding the body’s natural sleep-wake rhythm.
National Institutes of Health (2022). Delayed sleep phase and adolescent sleep behavior.
Penn State University (2023). Timing and regularity of sleep and adolescent heart health.
Stanford Medicine (2022). Biological changes in teenage sleep patterns.
University of Washington (2018). School start times and adolescent well-being.
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